im certain you have a heart, I'm just as certain it will never be mine

i liked what you said to me today. i finally read (and answered) your message. I didn't reply too much because I'm the one who got hurt. you respected and understood that, and i appreciate that. but you've hurt me, and i wish you'd do something, anything. say something, ask me to go out somewhere, anything. do i have the one who looks for you even though I'm the one who got hurt? you felt guilty, so why not make amends? honestly i get it, and maybe it's for the best. maybe i do need space, some days to think, i honestly really do. but I cant help but feel you'll forget about me, you'll move on and leave me far behind again. maybe it's your excuse to actually forget about me and move on. maybe you'll never talk to me again, maybe this was it. maybe this was the end. maybe everyone actually hates me, and maybe they should drop me off. maybe things would actually be better if i killed myself. 

i wish id done it when i was younger.  i couldn't do that to my family anymore. they've fought and changed to accept and support me, they're the only ones i truly have. when they're gone...i guess that's when im done. there's no point anymore. not when i know it's over, i know no one really cares. it's whatever, I'm prepared. im the loser. im the one who didn't make it. 

im always the one left behind.