I don't want to see anymore

I want to reconnect with myself but something is stopping me. I feel its presencd inside me, a black box over which I have now control or perception. I look at myself in tje mirror and know that part of me is missing. I am incomplete.

This is not to say that I have lost something. I have blocked myself off from something necessary. It is hard to say what. There are thoughts within me that I don't want to believe. Is that what has separated me from my soul?