I hope he beats me lowkey :P

I thought he was gonna pick me up today, but things got mixed up and I accidentally showed anger when I swore not to (i swore to myself) and now im at risk of losing him again (in my deluded head that is) and tbh I hope he goes hard on me. Not like in a self pity way but in the way that I genuinely do deserve to be yelled at for expressing anger at someone I love AND also because I lowkey like it.

There's something about the feeling of being berated and reduced to a crying mess, and then when he talks sweet after. Dude thats like the best part when hes sweet to me after being the reason why I feel so sad. 

I hope he lays into me for being such a stupid dependent mutt that cant do shit for myself. I hope hes brutal, I hope hes cruel with it ♡_♡

But then he says that bs about me not asking for it while im sad, and its like, bro, that's literally the point???