thinking of you

it's been a while since I've been here. i think i want to start using this as a diary. do i want to vent? maybe i just want to talk about you and actually have no one listening. Maybe i want to talk about you somewhere I'll never know. 

I'm no longer 22, but I don't know how to change it. It's really been two years, huh? She was still alive laat time i was around here. Grief is a weird thing. Grief and love go hand in hand, don't they? That's why i always end up thinking about her when i think about you. Different kinds of love. Opposites, maybe. 

I want to tell you, but I don't want you to hurt me. 

I can't help but feel like we'll end just like them. And maybe I'm making it worse by posting blogs like this. But who would ever know? Who would even care? 

And if I grew famous enough for someone to care, then that'd be fine. I wonder what you'd think if I did. Would you still talk to me? Maybe I'd never see you again. 

Who knows what the future departs? Maybe it's a cold winter, a hot summer, or a warm spring. 

No, I don't get a spring. I've never hoped for one. Some of us are meant to live in the cold, harsh winter, because just like icarus, we may fall if we fly too close to the sun. 

Maybe I am ready to burn. To fall. To plummet.