I cant ask for help

 I am going through one of the worst moments of my life and mental health. I really need support right now, but I have to continue pretending that everything is ok so people dont worry about me and I become a problem to them.

I dont have a mother nor father figure. All the love, affection and care I need to live, I have found in two other people who I dont share any blood with, and It makes asking for help even more difficult, because taking care of me is not their responsability, so I cant put this on their shoulders. 

I have been living in agony. Just the act of being alive brings me agony and they are the only ones who can turn it down for some moments or at least make it more tolerable. If I am being honest, I am fighting with myself all the time to just dont run into their arms and start crying like a little kid. I really need this right now, but as I said, I cant do this to them. I really need help. I want to ask for help. I cant ask for help. 

BUT SHE CAN. SHE ASK FOR HELP. SHE WAS IN HIS HOUSE. I NEEDED HIM. HE SAID NO. I HATE HER AND I HATE THEM ALL. I DO NOT NEED THEM. WHY NOT ME. I HOPE SHE DIES WITH ME