Just girly things

Life update cuz 22 in 3 days . Wuuutttt? 

Ive gotten pretty mean over the last couple months, which is a good thing. Last year I was way too nice, letting things slide and having to suffer silently. Now I’m like get away from me freak I would have never done that to you. 

So naturally that means losing friends which isn’t something I’m not used to; in the past I’ve had to set so many boundaries that would not only be broken but mocked and paraded in my face…. And still I’d walk away wishing them luck and peace. 

I’ve been yelling a lot more and being more angry and it’s been great. With caution of course. 

My entire personality shifted maybe a month or two ago, it was a long time coming but I finally noticed how differently I think and feel and act now. I’m a lot braver, I see things a lot more clearly, I’m a lot more confident in what’s going on around me. I don’t need to have control because everything is just figuring itself out. 

I’ve built up this metaphorical golden cage with 100 different locks to protect my heart. Too much of it has been given away and too passionately. However I do not regret that, loving someone as much as I could have . Except there’s this one boy right now that’s driving me crazy and this is my reminder that CUTE BOYS HAVE ALWAYS RUINED U!!!!! ! ! ! 

So the key is thrown away deep into the forest and one day my saviour (which might just end up being myself, after all) will retrieve it and this part of me that searches for something more will finally be complete , or whatever. 

Relationships never work for me. I hate them for some reason. More on that some other time, I haven’t had enough weird dreams to reveal what’s going on subconsciously.

In my dream world I’m processing how I’m gonna function in society once school starts back up in September. I’ve been flying in the sculpture studio and jumping off walls and shit. I can imagine I’m going to retreat into my old self, being super cynical (which ironically nowadays seems like the pragmatic thing to do). I’m more equipped now compared to who I was three years ago…

Anyways I have fallen in love with my oil pastels and the thought of exploding on a canvas. Hopefully I can get around to making an artwork later tonight. 

I’m gonna shower then hop on the subway to watch a movie for my bday week teehee. Im running out of money though and currently unemployed (I quit).