I'm getting more selfish

I'm looking at myself with all the confidence in the world like hell! Where and when did you get that from! I'll be thinking it's cool and all like oh I'm regaining my self confidence again, no! You are just like any other trying to defend themselves but even you can't argue back! I cannot defend myself at all, if you hit me with a, you're wrong, I cannot fight back even if your reason is I'm ugly or something that is not related at all! Maybe it's because I don't talk that much other than to family members and myself, I've got no other to talk to, to know what it's like! I've lost that feeling for at least a year, but I still go, oh it's fine, knowing damn well if it keeps going like this I'll probably end up dead on the streets in ten years! In this economy where you're either the leader or a follower but damn those followers! They're just the common, they are just me! Other commoners too as well! I don't wana end up working my a$z off trying to pay for myself and myself only! But I mean, what do I know about society, everything might change the next day or not! I don't know! I have no proof of it tho, at the end of the day I am just assuming things, assuming the worst!