Feeling diary. (IM SO CONFUSED)

I've been feeling quite confused about feelings recently. 

A few months ago I changed shifts at college and started studying only at night, so I left my college friends behind and had to make new ones. It turns out that I really love the friendships I made in the beginning, but, now I can no longer maintain the contact I used to have with them for several reasons. 

reason number 1: I'm terrible with messages, I hate having to maintain relationships only through messages (when I've already had a daily relationship with the person), this makes me very upset about not being able to be in contact with them daily (fomo lol).

Reason number 2: Our relationships are different now, they have theirs and I have mine, which makes everything more difficult. Our routines are no longer the same and now they live with people I've never heard of in my life and people we used to hate together (I don't understand this part, honestly). 

The confusion comes from the fact that I chose this, I chose to start working with a formal contract while still in college, I chose to change my routine in this way, I chose to "disappear" from their lives. I just didn't expect it to affect me so much.They are nice people (I had a brief romantic relationship with one of them, which has already been mentioned here on the blog), they are funny and nice people. I didn't want to lose contact with them, but that's kind of what adult life is like.  

No one prepared me for the constant cutting of ties that happens in adult life, damn it. Someday I'll deal with this in therapy. 

with love, anaphernelia🦫