Vent 2

I started seeing weird things again. I dont know anymore whats real and whats not. So many bad things happen at once Im considering to end it all. Im back with my main therapist but im too scared to talk about what i feel. Everything i say or do will somehow make things worse. I dont know anymore if i can handle all this. I have lost hope for my future. This isnt the life i want to live. I just want to daydream about the life i want. I want to have friends a gf and a family who doesnt judge me i dont want to be lonely anymore. Ive been thinking about taking a lot of antidepressants at once idk