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What does it mean that I'm a woman? Not to say I claim that identity, but for all intents and purposes, that is the way the world acknowledges me and therefore how I live. Does it mean that I am feminine? No, but even if it did, even if I was an extremely feminine person, would that be as a consequence of being assigned 'woman'? How can you tell the difference between a socially accepted construct and 'innate/authentic' self? I am assigned labels built on the idea that I am a woman, and based on what our culture denotes a 'woman' to be. I am weak, pretty, ditzy, slutty, but also maternal, nurturing, caring. But that is all an assumption, as assignment that means nothing. We think a man is authoritative, strong. But people we think of as 'women' also embody those traits regularly. Women are not innately motherly, despite how much people protest that fact. Does that mean these are merely arbitrary categories? I don't know.
It's an inescapable question, then: What is me, and what is what my culture has told me? I had to teach myself feminine mannerisms, that proves it wasn't innate, but what about the desire? The desire to even fit into an idea of 'woman'? Do I want long hair, or do I want to appear feminine? Is that desire for my own 'authentic self'? For my bisexual friends, it's similar to the question of, 'do I want to look like that person or fuck them? Or for my desire for acceptance as a social mammal who was trained and entrenched by our culture that that IS desirable BECAUSE I'm a woman which is an invented category BUT it matters and affects my every day life. So therefore even if it is an invented idea assigned to my body, I am forced to act as if it is real, or risk violence and possible discrimination.
It's almost horrifying to me, existentially. Who am I beyond those imposed cages and bindings by society? Would I be an unrecognizable mixture of misaligned traits? Would I even accept that it was me? Worse of all, I have almost no idea how I'd even begin to discover it. I am deeply horrified by the fact that historically and now, these labels we invent or were invented are used to control and subjugate people. This isn't very well written, but this is more stream of consciousness after watching one too many Philosophytube videos.
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egg822
Guy here, so I might be wrong, but there might be some misogyny you've learned from others in your life you need to reflect on more than womanhood itsself. I think I understand your worries of the illusion of free choice but whatever you decide to do with your gender is ultimately up to you.
Kaneko
I think your rather forgetting that there isn't really an "authentic" or "real self" outside of the you created by genetics and the culture/society your were brought up in, as well as all your traits are mainly just imposed onto you by society. So think you shouldn't be so obsessive over the idea of being titled as a "women" as maybe it would be more beneficial for you to just think of a women as simply category of sex and not link it to traits or characteristics. But yk obviously you get that and I agree as there is a greater disparity between individuals vs the disparity between genders when it comes to these traits. So yes its completely arbitrary, and the only reason we have them is because we've had them for a long time, and people just like categories, they make thinking easier. Theres definitely some stuff I left out as I'm writing this on a whim and maybe my message won't come across as how I want to but I hope you don't take this in a bad way and yk just think about what i said and maybe also give me some feedback and what I did wrong or missed.
Everything you're saying definitely tracks! I tend to deeply overthink everything, so I'm sure it's the same here. Attempting to find a 'self' without any influence is an impossible challenge, and you're right about it being a bit of a fruitless task. I appreciate your input!
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Chomper
As a trans man I REALLY GET WHAT YOU MEAN.
Being labelled a woman is scary for trans people and cis people because so many people will see you as less then human.
We are definitely molded into certain characteristics due to these labels and while that can be disturbing and make you question whats is and isnt you personally I accept it as part of me.
As a trans man Ive always found it hard to accept but now im more then happy to admit to the influence being labelled as a woman has given me.
Being labelled has effected my character in the same way my race has,my nationality,my age,etc.
The thought of being changed by how people perceive you is weird and kind of creepy but when you think about itll always be there. I dont know if thats worse or better tho tbh.
Ive chosen to seperate myself from people who expect things from me because im a "woman" even if they dont know im trans and its mad eme more comfortable to be feminine since im no longer fighting aginst stereotypes.
Dont question why you want to be fem or masc or anything until you surround yourself with the people who allow you to explore these ideas without prejudice. Easier said then done tho :p
I appreciate your input! Exploration of gender and expression is something I think everyone should try, I just tend to deeply overthink everything! It's a comfort though, knowing it's not just me.
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