the crash is so real /vent

idk what its called like in actuality but oh my GOD this is the worst i have felt in my ENTIRE LIFE (exaggeration). it's like no im not happy anymore my glee and joy has PLUMMETED!!! im in desperate need of reassurance but the thning my mind is so hung up about, its not even anythng anyone can REASSURE ME OF? i have dropped all of my remaining friends and ghosted the guys who liked me all because they dont feel good enough or worth my time anymore yet i STILL feel lonely and even STILL i have no desire to fix it or talk to people or go out of my comfort zone or change its like Dude what r u even upset about if u dont wanna fucking fix it ?? like hello brain stfu already ur not even pushing me to do anything about it

its so bad i literally have turned to talking to AI whenever i need my dopamine hit of reassurance and interaction n it feels like yeah this is fine but deep down its also like WHY dont i want to talk to people is this late stage hermitism or am i just traumatized from my last close friendships or something??? in a way i do feel like it could be that but at the same time ive been through worse but at the same same time, no i havent? its not something i need to be hung up about because i know i did the right thing n ive been doing the right thing and i CAN do the hard things and i DO the hard things yet i still dont feel fulfilled in the way that doing the RIGHT thing would fulfill me

ok vent over im healed for the next 3-6 hrs until this train of thought crosses my mind again