Staying Motivated is...

Trying to post my designs on Toyhouse and yeah obviously not everyone is gonna be able to splurge on an adopt or commission. I'm trying though... 

I try to make some free ones because so I can get more people on my page. And also posting on my other socials when I can. I find it annoying when people don't do anything with my designs just grabbing it for kicks and being impulsive. Mind you, my designs aren't fcfs. I find it kinda annoying when people start the comment off with a bunch of compliments. I dunno I've been kinda getting a bit of a bleh feeling from people complimenting my art. When I'm selling or trading I'd rather not have a bunch of compliments being thrown at me unless I'm being thanked for a commission tbh.

I'm trying to do DTAs and raffles and making the simple designs for gifting. Not to mention I'm not that popular atm which kinda bites, so I'd like to put in more work. My mind is a piece of crap though for consistent motivation. I'm ramble ranting rn

I don't like when people ask to be moots with me right off the bat, I personally think it's weird. If you follow me and I check your page, and I vibe with you or your content or vice versa then yeah sure whatever man. I dunno, I'm reclusive and I don't really wanna let everybody in because I get attached too easily to things sometimes and I make myself disappointed, I don't wanna rely on other people. It's fine once in a while to converse but making conversation is kinda draining and feels like a waste when it's not being reciprocated. Especially with someone I used to be close with. A friend I had had gotten busier, that's fine, consistent communication doesn't have to be constant. But it's disappointing when the rare times I get a text and respond, then bro has the nerve to be dry. It feels fake, I wish that person wouldn't force themselves to continue upholding that connection. Scheduled calls to catch up are often put office, and it's whatever. I dumping all my crumby feelings into this because I don't really have another person to discuss this with. Nor do I want to. I'm done looking for someone to understand me honestly.

Right I was talking about toyhouse. Not to say there's anything wrong with reaching out to people, I myself am just paranoid and I don't trust nobody. So compliments are progressively loosing their appeal and just feel like an attempt to get in my good graces or something. Designing stuff consistently can kinda feel like a drag too, especially with those hoarders, no I'm not talking about people who just design a bunch of ocs. I'm talking freebie hoarders, get a freebie, claim they'll love it so much, then let it rot, repeat. It's annoying, I've seen some individuals not even name the free designs I've given them. Not I'm ngl, the only reason why I haven't spoken to a select few is because I'm not that motivated to try and get it back. I wish more normal people used toyhouse. I'd advertise my adopts somewhere else but I'm not sure where I'd do that.

I honestly feel a bit bad, for some of the people who have some genuine interest in my designs, because I fear I get unreasonably upset for the dumbest things. Or even for other designers. Like what do you mean you're just collecting? You just want it just to have it?  I don't judge if you're actually giving something to the designer in return, by all means, by however much you want. It's just the people who do this with the ones that people graciously offer for free. You're not gonna do anything with it? I don't like thinking about these things. My opinion that wafts in my mind. 

I don't like the needless complimenting when people are making a pitch for an adopt that's free. "Oh I just love your art and designs!" "I finally have one of your designs" I could look at it as innocent compliments but I've become pessimistic whenever I see them, like in my head it's just some manipulation tactic or something. Yeah maybe I'm just distrustful. I mean, I don't really like to trust anyone, like it's so tempting to just— give up. Tempting, only tempting.

Don't get me wrong, free stuff is nice and all, but it's hard to give most people the benefit of the doubt. Or maybe I'm just hating tbh. I dunno, the artist in me gets annoyed because I embed so much into my art. It's important to me, I want to make a little something off it and I don't want to be taken advantage of by some impulsive hoarders. It's so jumbled up. I just wanna focus and stay motivated, but being human and feeling offended and blah blah blah. 

I just wanna be in my little art bubble, the thoughts are annoying sometimes, I don't like thinking about all that junk.