Performance

Something i say, all the time, not to others but to myself, is that i fear being alone; i think everyone is afraid of solitude to some extent, and i, honestly, feel alone most of the time, not because there's no people around me, but because the people around me doesn't see me beyond the performance that i'am outside My head and my Chest; nobody, or, well, almost nobody has ever Saw me in My purests, raw being, and those who have, most of those who have, don't understand me, or look at me in a way that let me knows i can't really be the person i'am 

I have eventually grown tired of talking to people, and people talking to me unless i find them so interesting i end up obssessing and wanted them to be at My side, not to posses them, or at least not in the way people understands the idea of possesion

I want to talk with them, i want them to talk with me, to want to talk with me, i want to listen to them talking about everything they like, and find myself mesmerized by them all the time 

I never get tired, My heart never moves, but at the end they always end up moving from me, and i find myself again in that space where i don't belong to anywhere, or anyone, and beg them to come back, to not leave, to want me as i want them, but that only makes it worse, and i end up making them go faster, always, and i end up not only alone, but also remorsing not being able to manage My feelings when they overcome me

I feel like an abandoned dog looking at the distance for the owner that left him in the road, hoping for every car that passes to be him coming back to get me back with him and while i wait i remember his pets, and everytime he called me "his", and everytime i rot a bit more

I'm Argos, and i wait for My Ulysses to come back and at least look at me one last time before i die after waving My tail upon his gaze