life update or whatever idk

i've been on autopilot again lately. not rlly in a bad way? just dissociated and drowning myself in my interests, which atm is deltarune lol. i need to prep for art fight still...... ive been like super lazy abt it bc i do not like drawing references (i find it boring + a chore) but yk. it's gotta be done. and, besides, i dont even do full refs anymore, just full-bodies that capture the essence of the character.

anyway, ive been watching deltarune gameplay bc im not able to purchase it for myself atm. spent like... $150 on an air fryer for my step-dad's birthday. it was on sale half off so im not regretting it but omfg it rlly tanked the spare funds i had. i've opened commissions again until july 1st (when art fight begins) so hopefully i'll make some of that back! idk if i want to advertise here yet... maybe when i have more examples?? rn i only rlly advertise in my personal circles. mainly bc im like. rlly paranoid abt being scammed thru paypal LOL (i've heard a LOT of horror stories). i kinda still dont understand how all that stuff works which is embarrassing. anything money-related makes me kinda nervous tbh.

anyway x2, deltarune. hooooo boy that game has a real chokehold on me. i mean, utdr in general has been a major spinterest of mine since undertale initially released. i think i was 12? maybe 11. im not good at this memory stuff. but it's one of those medias that perpetually haunts me. whenever it's mentioned anywhere, no matter the context, i can feel that obsession clawing at the back of my brain like some primal animal i need to beat back with a stick. with the new chapters being out that force has been unrelenting. toby fox's writing is genuinely just so fucking good man. and it feels great that the fandom is having this resurgence, bc now i have ppl to talk to abt it (and make ocs with lol). 

i really relate to susie. like, everyone i knew back during my freshman year of HS (who knew what deltarune was) compared me to her. and, tbh, aside from mae borowski (NITW) i have never felt so seen by a character. someone who is kind of holding themself to this standard of being a brute and a jerk, a tough exterior, who is at their core full of hope and kindness. i won't get into it to spare you all from a cornball rant. but, i love her. she's me. when my friends and i played through ch 1 together i voiced her. i like to think that, when my friends see susie they think of me. even people i dont rlly associate with anymore. not in a malicious way or anything, more so a token of what once was, etc etc. as for the new chapters, tenna has really stolen my heart. not in a romantic way. he's my son. i feel incredibly maternal towards him. also spamton is just a complete chud dude. bottom of the barrel LOSER. i love him tho. spamvil <3