It was my birthday on friday.

It was my 20th birthday on Friday, and sadly i did not have a very good day. Everything just kept going wrong. My four friends agreed to come and hang out with me and i made bracelets for each of them (i love crafting things for my friends) and every one of them cancelled :') I ended up just going shopping with my boyfriend. That's the main thing upset me. The rest isn't too important. 

But anyway, I'm 20 now and i feel like I'm way behind on life. I see a lot of people who i went to high school with are in uni, or moved out, or have really good jobs. Everyone seems to have a lot of fun with their friends and go outside often. I find it really hard to leave the house, so i only leave for work or if i need to. I've been trying to work on my mental health and how i see myself. I've struggled with body issues and mental health since i was a preteen and although i was in CAHMS i never had more help than that, and to say CAHMS was 'help' is... not the right word. I definitely have gotten better mentally compared to when i was a teen but I'm not all the way there yet. I was diagnosed with Autism and anxiety when i was 16 and i think that is a reason why i struggle. I do have an amazing boyfriend who loves me and helps me a lot though. I would like to see a therapist but its expensive. I've made good progress by myself but i think i really need a professional to help me with my trauma, healing is a really slow and hard process.

Blogging is really cool, because you can just write out all you thoughts and feelings. it always makes me feel better to just type out my thoughts and why I'm sad. Its like a weight lifts off my shoulders, that's why i really like Spacehey and Tumblr. I don't like to vent to people, so blogging is the way to go for me. On a more positive note, i worked 11am-19:30pm yesterday. A very long shift but honestly i prefer an 8 hour shift more than my usual 4 hour shifts. Its more money too. On my 2nd break at 4pm i went next door to new look and got a dress that i saw a few weeks ago in the window. I tried it on last week, its this pretty floral milkmaid dress. The price tag was £40, but i decided that i really really liked it. I want to wear it on a date with my boyfriend so i can be pretty for him. He said i was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen when i tried it on for him at home, so that made me very happy.

Okay, i think I'm done writing now lol. I have a day off today so I'm going to take care of myself a bit more. I watched mean girls this morning and i feel like watching another film so i think i will make a coffee, have some egg on toast and color with a movie on. Bye bye thanks for reading c: