it's over

We broke up. April 7, 2025. Exactly two months now. It hurts, but I cried a little less than our first ones.

388 days together and she didn't really knew me well. I feel like shit. The fact that I'm the one pursued but I ended up chasing her. I was too much. For the many times I've been asking what's wrong with me whenever we fight so I can be better, she said it was none, it was her, and when I ask why— she just doesn't know. This went on for too many times that I eventually figured it out. 

I was too much. Too understanding, too loving, too caring. I'm not good with feelings, with words, I'd rather act it. But I tried, she wanted words, I gave her poems; she wanted me to express myself, I got misunderstood. I tried being direct, I was being rude.

I was okay for the first couple of weeks but I just fully processed everything after a month. I don't think I can heal properly, I can't unlove her. I'll just, learn how to live without her. I hope I get better. :>