sad world

turns out he did not spend 4 years stalking me and 4 years crafting an elaborate revenge plot or 4 years building and dedicating a web of playlists for me to find pick apart and decipher like an elaborate game of hide and seek this is not a love puzzle this is not a riddle she is not a doppelgänger and this is not an attempt to tip the scales as it turns out i have trouble separating fantasy from reality and im just a convenient fuck who feeds him and does his laundry he loves how i love him and he loves emily

not me

turns out he comes to me every time she disappoints him or he misses kylie he doesnt want me he wants who i let him be

big L

im always right

did lanadelrey know shes yerledanal backwards

no such thing as coincidences 

he said he wants to move in with me as a fresh start wants to throw his phone in the river and not tell anyone hes leaving i wonder who in philly hes trying to escape.............hmmmmmmmm,......  thats a hard one! he doesnt want to move in with me because he loves me. hes trying to get away from her and he doesnt think hes strong enough to do it on his own and i presented him with an opportunity too good to be true. theres no love here. theres only degradation and humiliation. and collusion. he is enemy #1. im not crazy. im done now. thats enouogh for me. i spent the last november december january february march april may and now june but also last years july and may and all of the other months on all of the other years trying to convince you to love me to choose me. and all you could do is gulg glug glug and suck on the fish bitchs tits. you make me sick. the thought of you touching me with the same hands makes me sick. the thought of you talking to me with the same voice makes me sick.

bye now.

my heart  no longer goes doki doki.