go or stay?

It's like there was an anchor in my ankle. I move one foot forward and when i finally feel i'm moving the other, only to find out i'm being dragged down more and more. 

I have the knife to cut that string that ties the anchor to my ankle, i get it close enough to cut it off and get myself free, i make the movement of sawing it but i put no strength to it. I keep sawing it but never cutting it off. Wanting or not, the second i'd cut that string off, i'd be on my own i'd be adrift.

The swimming to the nearest beach was long, it'd could hit me halfway. Or i could simply stay on that ship, but i knew it'd sink at a determinate time. 

Any way i'd have the risk of choking on salt water. First option seems more promising, doesn't it seems so simple? Doesn't it gives more chance to survive? Well not considering all the hindrances, it seemed the most logical path. 

There was the third option, not an option, but a hopeful thought. Help would come. On time. Some would say that is counting too much with the luckiness, but is it about luckiness really? 

All endings had a tragic ending, actually. All them had its own risk of death. It's not about being suicidal, it never was. Not what put me in this situation, not what will take me of it. The water, the wind, they lead me to here and I did let them. I didn't fight, I didn't try swimming back. I had to know there was this point where both elements would leave me on my own. 

It was never about dying, it was about finally being in peace. 

All time i did that same movement again, i sawed the string but never cut it off. I didn't want to go, but i didn't want to stay. 

So i stayed... not 'cause i wanted it, nor 'cause i needed to... not fear... i simply didn't want to move. 

This is not about the sea or a ship.

xoxo, V!