Clearing everything up

Hi I'm astro you may know me by that name or yng astro , Asura , or even my gov name Sonjia . 

I won't lie I'm not at all the best person or mentally always fully here , I tend to lash out on people or do thinks without thinking beforehand cause 1 I don't think about consequences and 2 unlike you I don't have a consciousness or really feel emotional/ emotion when stuff happens I don't know how to feel about alot of things leading me to get yelled at or never finding someone that can actually love me due to it , I will admit this had led me to do hell of stupid stuff just because but one thing I won't stand for is what's being said right now about me and the other "allegations" about me . It started with Nasir first (my ex ) drunk texting me and I told his girl friend (for more context , here https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1633491 , he texted me while drunk and I told his girlfriend many times that he didn't flirt just please keep him away .) which ended up being flipped and being spread around that I made them break up or something of that and I supposedly said Nasir was talking to all his ex's (once again never was said , one of Nasirs mods actually said this , being zal speaking to me saying he spoke to all his ex's that night while on call drunk with his girl . ) this then spreaded Into a chaos of lies about me or stuff that was outted out supposedly. One of those things being outted out that I once said Nasir is into race play ,I don't recall at all actually saying this and genuinely being serious besides one time we were joking in discord and I said "yeah he probably into that shi" as a joke considering the stuff Nasir says on stream of how if a girl called him it he'd get turned on , this was a joke and I don't know at all why it's being used against me 

? A few other things I'd like to address is me being supposedly racist , I've said jokes and stuff but am not even so the jokes are just them type of things said in that server and didn't think much since there's legit an Asian kid in there calling people the f word or hard r I seen it as harmless and a stupid little joke that the whole community not just the server has been doing for years , everyone there knows I'm not racist granted of things I say . I consider dolor and ever tyrant like big brothers who legit saved and helped me from so much and know so much about me that others don't I don't judge by your skin tone , height , weight , facial features , what you like or dislike unless you have done or like / stand for something bad or negative. I am sorry for the jokes or stuff that has been said to make people think otherwise about my perspective on people and I will be taking notes to not make said jokes no matter how toxic the community or server or whatever is . 

My last allegation id like to clear up which has been going around in that community for sometime and passed around is that I'm a PDF (pred ) . For someone with younger siblings that I adore I can never imagine how someone would like someone so young and even dating or talking to someone in a flirty matter who's even 1yr younger than me feels wrong and I often blocked said person when the age is found out . To some it up I was talking to zal (one of Nasirs mods way before everything went down with Nasir , before everything in general.) I didn't see a problem cause I was told "around your age " nothing over the top was said besides zal trying to flirt and me messing around, I found out about his actual age later on and blocked as soon as possible. He was very hurt about the whole problem so I did end up talking to him on call and explained how it's wrong and it's not ok , how he is a good person but and I mess with him as a friend but wasn't going to work in the first place , as well as a few people from the community talked to him as well cheering him up and talking some sense into him . We later on did become as close as you can get when it comes to being friends , granted I'm not online as often but when I am we'd yap non stop for whatever being a personal problem , being the community and how we don't like a certain person or just random stuff , then hop on Roblox . Truth to be told ive always seen him as a little brother and still do whether he decides to still see me as a good person or bad after this whole deal I'll still love him as a genuine good friend I had .

Last thing I'm clearing up that isn't an allegation but something that's been talked about in the community or others come to me about is me and sim suicide, I started talking to sim roughly around when I was freshly 18 and he was 21 i believe. We both seen no problem of it since we both legal adults just ones older but looking back at it .. it was weird and he genuinely waited till I was 18 . Me and him would talk daily sometimes flirting him calling me names like "bunny " "good girl" and just little stuff like that , saying how he wanted to do stuff to me and I'd engage sometimes saying things back cause I enjoyed his company but it came to a point where I was drained and noticed he started to only talk to me is if I act all frisky towards him or were to engage with what said by him . We were supposed to meet up in nyc where he lives for my birthday in July and I were to get a tattoo done by his artist (chest area ) but he started to get dry and I eventually got a warning to keep my eye on him if I'm still messing around and talking to him which I never told him about. Sooner or later I did end up telling him I'm so tired of how I get treated you want to call me names like "bunny " "luv" and other things but treat me so bad when I've tried nothing but to help you with everything being stream or talking to your personally trying to cheer you up . It was a big paragraph and I'm not going to rephrase or say everything just know I stood up for myself then I was blocked within a minute of him reading it . Blocked off everything with no and even banned from his chat . I don't apologize for interacting with sim as I genuinely still feel like he's a good guy with good intentions even after what he did , as well as I do still have feelings for him as a friend and slightly as something else but a little less of that . 

I hope this cleared up everything and you get a better understanding. I'm sorry for the friends , community's and connections I've lost due to this I didn't even think it was needed to write all of this but at the same time I'd feel bad if it wasn't addressed and let everyone assume about me or the people/ communities listed above. If you chose to not like me , bash me on things or say things about me in person or online that's up to you I won't come attacking you for it and that's how you feel about me . If you decide to stick around and support it being my art or whatever I do that's also your decision I'm not going to force opinions or force everyone to like / love me that's not for me and that gets you nowhere in life . I'm once again I'm sorry towards everyone I genuinely did hurt or cause pain , I'm sorry everything in general. I will be only talking to a selective few after all this and alot of people will be blocked due to spam hate as well just drama . 

Thank you for taking your time reading this and I hope you have a blessed day / night