Pessimistic priss

I think I came to terms that overall I'm not a good person , I cant show love for one another being a friend s/o or even a family member or talking stage I shut down everytime or self destruct and crash out on everyone. Its came to a point to where I'm like wtrv about everything now which I think has helped a little though to a point . I stopped drinking which I don't think has helped much I was way more happy getting blacked out or passing out till my throat felt like the pits of hell and my stomach was the god damn underworld of lost souls , weed been a substitute for that recently though but even so not like I can smoke joints now like I was around my ma so still a little so on an eh mood every now n then . 

Think my mood always somewhat off as well not just cause of being sober but the simple fact I can't live out the life I want , being homeless n shi like I really just want a small one bed one bath all alone in an area where there's a lot of local metal shows or something fun Michigan ain't gonna offer that though at all . Like bro imagine small little house with some alt man and a bunny , we go out to metal shows or an arcade for dates , ts sounds fun asl .

Everyone suck though and I don't need a repeat of sim if I try w some alt man or God some alt women too .. they be so bad but the most toxic , gothic liking hello kitty but be the most vile while hello kitty preaches about positivity and friendship meanwhile your calling everyone slurs or telling ppl to end themselves in GTA 

Wtrv though I'm acting too much like a women I'm ranting tm bye bye 🐇🐾🖤