Friendship break up?

Date: 19 may 2025 

I’m okay with being nervous, a little nervousness is fine, but right now I think I’m too nervous. I was already nervous abt stuff before but now it’s just piling on. A while back I asked the guy I like if he wants to be in a relationship with me, he said it was too soon. And I get it, but at the same time it makes me feel like I’m not enough for him to be sure abt. Felt like I wasn’t enough for him and it sucked, but I let him take some time. About 3 weeks later I brought it up again, he ended up saying “fine”, to me wanting us to be in a relationship. Hearing him express it like that kinda made it feel like I made him agree to taking out the trash. Feels as if im asking for too much and being annoying and pushy. Bcs of this I can’t take his “fine” as a “yes”, I need to know that this is something HE wants as well. Only then I can get the exited feeling I usually get when something progresses between us and I feel the need to tell my friend from Spain abt it.

Besides this some new things to worry abt have come up. My friend said she needed a break from our friendship. Not sure what she means by that but I’m stressed out abt it. I don’t think she’s gonna respond to my message, but she did tell me I didn’t do anything wrong. So what is going on? I don’t know. I guess maybe I’ll just wait and see, I don’t wanna accidentally push her away by spamming her. She also said I won’t hear from her for a week, so I guess I’ll wait a week and then send her something, not sure what tho. It’s strange, we didn’t have a fight or anything, in fact she had messaged me earlier that day and asked if I wanted to play It Takes Two together.

Also I got a math test tomorrow, it’s gonna be ass. The whole day doing math is crazy. I just hope I pass at this point, I’m so tired from school tbh. I got 3 tests and 2 presentations this week. I should go to bed now it’s late but I’m stressing. When I stress I start doing weird shit like picking at my skin so now my skins all fucked up as well, hope tomorrow passes fast. 

- Elliot