recent sacrifices

friends

potential new friends

self expression

artistry

quiet time

but the returns?

a more competent version of myself

someone who can push harder

someone more aware of what goes on in this head

...

do i like this?

maybe

do i have a choice?

no

but i feel more in control of myself

does that make sense?

i'm in the driver's seat of my head now

i don't choose the prompt but i write the story

you feel?

i don't know where i'm headed

or if i even want to go there

but i don't think it matters anymore 

anything, anywhere, everything, and everywhere will only add, not subtract, from me

i am a cathedral accumulating more and more history

even if i am pillaged

my body is almost always afraid

but i really feel quite secure

i think i am changing

finally..

this is what seriousness and rigor looks like when it plays