Lowkey Don't want to live. idk :P

If I don't get a fix soon I think I'm gonna do something I shouldn't. Like run off to a different city or do morphine until I'm 70 pounds and fused to the floor or something. I have always said that when I'm old and ready to die I'd want to try the one thing that takes all: The angel on the highest cloud, the angel in mud. But idk, I think I'll give myself a week. If I still feel this low then maybe it's time I consider throwing my life away before I get too old and ugly to be remembered fondly. Before my death is less tragic, while they can still say stupid shit like "he was still so young" or whatever. 

I think I just want to be missed. I want to be wanted. And I want to do uppers too but that's not important. I want to be useful, and I want to be good at it too. 

And dude don't give advice, this is literally just a hyperbolic vent, I just want to write out my feelings here before I overbear someone close in my life with thoughts that aren't worth sharing. I've decided I'm not gonna make my problems theirs anymore :3