Ughhhh

Welp, I'm in a mood.

I can't exactly describe this mood, but I know it's from depression. 

It's finals week of the semester, I move out Friday, and then summer begins. I got like this last spring, too, but that's because I was dealing with a lot of problems. 

I don't like when I get into these moods, it makes me feel like shit but I don't want my friends knowing that I'm not myself. (If you're my friend and you're reading this, you don't know me.) I've always been the type to bottle all my emotions cause I grew up feeling like I couldn't talk to anyone. So I try not to share my problems cause I know it'll go away in due time.

But this feeling sucks ass. Like I want to go hang out with people, but I don't wanna ask. I want to be out and about, but I want to barricade myself in my dorm and never leave. 

Imma miss being at college, I feel better here than at home. I don't really have friends back home. I had a small group in high school, but I talk to 2 from it now. It's my home away from home, and my friends feel like family. 

I'm just sitting in the library, procrastinating on my speech I have to present for class tomorrow. Being here just helps to get me out and not rot. Kinda wanna cry but we ain't doing that today yet. Am I going to have a breakdown later tonight? probably. 

Sometimes I don't know what to do when I feel like this, I usually end up sitting, spacing out. I got a lot of memories flooding back into my brain. From this school year and last spring. 

I'm hungry too, but I don't want to eat. I woke up not hungry at all but Imma get dinner later once I finish my speech. 

My brain is all over the place, and I don't entirely know what to do right now, guess I just wanted to write something out. I wanna sleep tho.