Incisor Erosion

I had a bit of a digital relapse, I felt like a terribly thirsty camel with a collapsed hump, and quite honestly, revisiting the mindless ravines of Instagram and Tiktok did not do a whole lot for me. At least I can be jogging on a treadmill while scrolling, I feel like that is a better use of my time. Anyhow, iPhone will be back in the kitchen cupboard tomorrow, and the only thing I should see on my screen is logistic regression, mediation and computations of power. That reminds me, I really need to revise the G*Power component of my unit. Ironically, it is the easiest, but the fast switching between beautiful and robust Jamovi and terrible compressed G*Power always makes me feel dizzy.

On Saturday I was back at Noble Hills, and decided to use my week of consistent walking and jogging to my advantage. Like those good old times in Novemeber, I embarked on a 2hr hike (around 10km) and only got stopped once by some well-meaning young men who asked if I was lost. In a fit of panting and Jamiroquai loudly playing through my headphones, all I could say was "It's a sport!" and continue to walk. I did a thumbs-up as well. I think they got the message.

The thing about these hikes is that they are perpetually uphill for about 40 minutes, so my core starts to go into overdrive, and any dinner I have upon returning is slightly painful, no matter how delicious it is. My dad set up the fire pit and we sat around as I toasted some marshmallows. I think I have a terrible sensitivity, because if I inhale too much smoke from the fire, it makes me feel queasy. Enough complaining, though.

I think I need to see a dentist soon. I may have messed up slightly. Since I noticed the chips and erosion on my front incisors, I picked up a sensitive toothpaste in the hopes it would improve my situation. I think it worsened it, and also left these small white boils on the underside of my tongue, like they are burnt and swelling. I am back to normal toothpaste. But since weaning myself off, there has been some extra sensitivity near my gums that I am worrying about. I should probably book an appointment but it freaks me out.

I think I'm obsessed with going down rabbitholes and learning things about strangers. I am doing it more and more nowadays. Part of it is being impressed by my FBI-level prowess when it comes to personal history, tax records, full names etc. but part of it is also wanting to know what people were up while I was still a teenager. How similar but different our lives were. It's comforting to know that some anxieties seem to be entrenched in a certain coop of ages. I will try not to let this take over my attention span, too. It seems like I can't be quiet with myself. Always busy, need something to do.

I finished "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" today and audibly sighed at the lobotomy bit. They decimated my man. My rebellious, anti-authoritarian ginger girlfriend! I could not believe it. But now I really do want to see the movie. According to my dad, it is slightly more sensationalized, but I don't mind, the book is campy enough as is. This week I'll be focusing on getting through "Hallucinations", "Mythos" and starting my first Fitzcarraldo edition - "Morning and Evening". I heard they sell them at Planet Books but I am avoiding anything near the CBD right now and have been internalizing an embarrassing amount of fear over meeting people.

The book club I would usually attend gained a new member who is actively dating someone from my past who is known to talk badly of me and spread a lot of rumours. This has been happening since around 2020. I don't understand what is so fascinating and sexy about me, but I would hope to find out soon. Was it that I was a troubled teenager? That it took me probably 3 years extra to gain a sense of empathy? Or, I don't know, maybe my home life and the situation I had with my mother was dampening my social interactions. I don't want to blame any of these things, but I think it is so charming and confusing that this won't stop. I'll move to Melbourne.

I had my keycard for work set back up, and I didn't know how happy it could make me, but the answer is... pretty darn happy! Even though their coffee is bad, and the baristas spell my name wrong, there's no place like home. I may be biased since I work with a lot of lovely queer people, and spend the days doing the one thing I love (number crunching and editing), but it is a perfect haven. It might be one of the things I miss. I'm sure there's an institute somewhere else just like this one.

Big and daunting test on this coming Thursday. I am just going to run through the lab slides until they are cemented in my mind. I feel like they are saying 'open book' just to fuck with us. Yes, darlings, 'open book', because some of these questions will be ungoogleable. God I do love Professor Moriarty but the whole thing about his mathematical talent? I don't think I'm there yet. Stats is only fun when I'm in charge of all the data from collection to analysis. Unfortunately a 20 year old undergrad isn't allowed to put together fake data for lab tests. Deep breaths... it will be just fine.