Birthday party and jealousy

Date: 11 may 2025 

I had been looking forward towards friday and saturday this week, and it definitely made up for my bad birthday earlier. On friday I had a sleepover with the guy I like and it was fun, tho he gave me possibly the worst gift I've ever gotten (well maybe except for that one time I got two pair of vests made of sheep wool on christmas), but he made up for it in bed (sounds way more freaky than it was, we just cuddled, well and maybe some more..). And then the next day I had my birthday party which was also really fun, I had my friends come over and we ate tacos together. I got some nice gifts like; a lego plant, a gift card to a bookshop, a sticker and some minecraft socks.

I have to admit something that has been bothering me, something that kinda sparked during the party, though I have been thinking abt it before as well. Which is that I'm kind of jealous of this friend that the guy I like hangs out with. They often sit near eachother giggling abt something, and the guy I like calls this friend "Best Boy", why him? Why not me? I know this is an ugly look, jealousy is never a good image, but I can't help it. It's super embarrassing to admit cs I hate being a jealous person but I noticed how upset I felt when that friend touched his shoulder. It's not even that big a deal but for some reason I was super bothered by it. The friend is nice and there is really nothing unlikable about him so there's no problem on that front, the problem is just my weird ass feelings. I think this is something I gotta work on, but I'm not sure how.

Speaking of feelings and such, one of my friends reached out to me today and told me how she felt left out of the friend group and how she was thinking abt ending all her friendships. I didn't really know what to say but I wrote back and I hope I consoled her in some way. It kinda made me feel awkward and uncomfortable, cs I'm not that great at dealing with other peoples feelings. I wish she would talk abt her feelings with her psychiatrist instead of me, they would prolly be better at answering that. 

- Elliot