36 - NEW FEELING

Wow, man. In my short life, 16 seems to be the one where... Something happens!? Or not, depends on what you value really. Materially, my conditions have been identical my whole life. But my soul has felt things I've never felt before really...

I've talked before about some of these in my earlier entries, but I never noticed in the moment that I have so many new feelings recently. Perhaps you could say this is apart of this mystical thing called "growing up" or whatever, but it all feels so sudden.

I'm used to reducing my feelings with a malaise of apathy, so the intensity I now feel is a bit whelming. Intensity I feel due to experiencing new things. Hope, love, fear, pride... Perhaps yearning. I can't quite wrap my head around all of this right now, but it makes me feel alarmed too in a meta sense. Because now I know how much I don't know.

All of this is in my shadow it seems, and I want to figure it out before it subconsciously festers into something outside of my control. Perhaps it all makes me feel quite lost too? I don't know, I've yapped too much. I have faith that things will turn out alright.

NIHIL SINE RATIONE