“praying for love and paying in naivety”

she doesn’t feel much of a real person anymore; just someone i used to love. just one of the drunks. she was my first love. if i must clarify. it was growing up - it was time staring in my face. years of being on this planet couldn’t prepare me for this. i’d wanted the love i’d seen in the movies. that, pass out from it love them like you just can’t stand it need you everywhere, kind of love. when i got it, i didn’t know how i felt. i still don’t know how i feel. my finger ache with it until that feeling slides through the tips and underneath my skin until it was everything. actual brain rot - tooth rot too. every word i bit out was sweet like venom; rotting my teeth as all i did was talk about her. oh red hair and indistinct eyes im sorry i wrote about you and i’m sorry i loathe about you. i dont know you. i went into it for a friend and found the way to be my on best enemy instead. don’t ever wonder about me; use me as a lesson. as i have for you.

it’s twisted. every thing i once loved i still do but i can find you in it now. i won’t be rid of the friend i’d wanted so depressingly so. everything in this world is a curse so kiss me hard and love me not so my heart gets stuck in a “love me!” knot and i can’t breath. dearest fearest how i loathe you so. i was destined to find you in this world to learn to not be such a dumb bitch.

she doesn’t feel real anymore. walks home i think of the messages i used to send, scrolling too hard through my contacts and i see yours. i want you thriving without me but not any better than me. maybe this was karma? karma policies for every time i’d been too harsh with a gas leak that had gone up in flames for my match. i guess i understand. “the torture of small talk with someone you used to love” or whatever pete wentz said. you’re the lowest type of drug to get me high, the highest type of relapse to get me low. low low low life where the low lights won’t reach even when i need to see myself in the dark. don’t find my face in the bathroom mirror, you’ll only pick at yours more.

- Breezy , 5/7/25 , 7.PM

(NVR KILL URSELF ur enemies will 1 day fall & those u used 2 luv will 1 day see u succeed & weep in agony 😝)