Every single person I meet makes me sick inside.

Ever since I was a kid. No, ever since this whole thing started, almost 6 years ago.

She wasn't raised right- she was mean. He was my closest friend, but he shouted a cruel comeback towards me once. My neighbour creeps me out in a way that I can't quite explain. She was controlling of a group project. That woman gave me hope, only to be cruel in the end. She was my idol, but now she's miserable to be around. He's the only person I have, but he makes me sick to be around. She's nice now, but when will the switch flip? I don't know when he'll choose to hurt me again. She never says she loves me anymore. Does he ever think of me? Does she really like me, or is she just saying that? That girl is so sweet, but I thought she was mean. That student complimented me when she's usually rude- was she picking away at me?

I can't think. I don't know what to think!

It feels like everyone I know is just bad. I know so many people and they're just bad. And I'm terrified of even going near the air they breathe, because they might just hurt me.

I can't trust them. They're only going to be trouble, one way or another. Or maybe they're nice, but they never reach out, so clearly they want nothing to do with me. So I pull away from them all, I cut them off entirely.

I look through the front door, and I see these kids playing on the street, and I feel so disconnected from the world. I think of stepping foot into a classroom, and the thought alone makes me want to crawl under my bed. 

I feel exposed in our giant living room window, and when I'm on the back steps letting my dog out, I despise the thought of our back neighbours seeing me. I look at the whole world, and I almost feel trapped in this house, but being outside is something worse.

The people I bonded with- no, the people I just KNEW. Acquaintances. Do they even care that I exist? Do they remember? Do they know? Do they wonder if I'm alright? Years, years, years, all of it just glued to a screen and hardly ever going outside.

I am so isolated, so lonely, so unloved, I feel zero compassion from my family, and I don't want anyone to know. Only my family knows and that's it. I can't let anyone know just how much of a failure my life is turning out to be.

What started this all? Was it me? Was it that boy who was mean to me in the third grade? Was it my brothers who tortured me? Was it my family? 

All of them. Every single one of you. All of you will make me sick eventually. 

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me?