Hello and Greetings once again readers for I have returned with more tales to tell as I have finally got a working computer. to make a long story short in the moving truck where I left off my last post I was not in fact alone for I was in the company of homeless man by the name of Ruko Shembo, who had a working 2007 ThinkPad which he only used to look at news.com and write FNAF fanfiction. So with my genius I stole the ThinkPad and jumped out of the moving truck using the computer to cushion the landing ( ThinkPad's are just built different). So now here I am writing in the fields of the steeps region where there is nothing around me except grass and some hills, But Enough about me back to Uncle George's story where he is right in the middle of

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 Hell, England 1492-1499

Zio was trapped. usually if he wanted to leave somewhere he would pack his things and leave but there was one problem. Zio was on an island...and he couldn't swim (he still can't to this day). He was Trapped with no hope of returning to Spain due to the king being angry with him (he didn't do anything to bad the king was simply being a pussy). So as any normal person in his situation would do, Zio moved himself into the London bridge, a cramped unhygienic place where the only things to do were fish, fish, fish some more and get blacked out drunk on Sermon wine. 

 During one of these drunken stupors an idea popped into Zio's head

"mggmmggmggmgmgm...WOMEN!"

he then proceeded to puke on himself and fall asleep, but when he awoke he began work on building the best Brothel in London. first he found a place to turn into his brothel, it was next to a Church (I'm sure there fine with it). next he found the most important part ,women (....and a pig) these ladies most descent women Zio could find and they were, Barbra, Margret, Thatcher, Barbra 2, daisy and the most popular of them all, Sneaky David (he really understood men's needs). With this winning team the brothel immediately became a success when it opened in 1494 and kept the success wagon going for 3 years. However all good thing must come to an end, this end being the church next door coming over in the dead of night, stealing the pig and setting the brothel on fire ( I guess they weren't fine with it) but Zio got the last laugh as the fire spread to the church burning it down as well. after the fire fiasco 5 of the women died in the fire, except for Sneaky David who made it out in one piece. after losing the Brothel Zio left London and Sneaky David ( Sneaky David would go on to start a fish and      store since chips hadn't been invented yet). Zio was lost and spent two year wandering the English country side stealing chickens and chamber pots, trying to take his mind off the fact he was stuck in England no way out. That was until men with funny accents raiding a small village he was staying in came and enslaved Zio, taking him some where called, Scotland...which sounded weird but was probably better then England.

One Years a Slave 1500-1501

As Zio Reached Scotland with his Captors. Something in the world felt different, almost like is was a new Century...nope wait is was slight starvation. however being a little bit hungry, Zio was ready to do whatever his new masters asked for them as thank you for saving him from a life of misery and piss smelling garments. whatever they needed done he will do it, so they put him to work in the barley fields 

"GODDAMMIT!"

Zio was sick of this farming shit, he would’ve preferred to just take an arrow to the chin. it didn't take him long to just throw up his hands and leave (we don't know how he did it but he freed himself by just...walking away). so off went Zio leaving his new masters and went to explore the Kingdom of Scotland.

Suddenly Eire 1501-1503

At First Zio enjoyed his travels through Scotland, However it once you see one highland, you've seen them all, Scotland was boring no big cities, no unicorns (they were all dead by 1326). The only interesting thing that happened was the one time he found a man climbing up a hill with a dead woman mumbling something about wanting to live forever (drama queen). Now with nothing left to do he decided to head to a place called Eire which is like Scotland except there all bottoms. So off he went stealing a small fishing boat from a fisherman and headed in the direction of Eire, except he crashed into an island half why there, a place called the Isle of Man, which sounded gay so once again he stole another boat this time a row boat from a man and his wife and rowed to a place called Desmond ( which didn’t sound like Eire but close enough) there he was ready for more adventures.

“Hey this place is ni”

He compliment was cut short by the fact a man came up to him, smelling the shit and had the teeth to match, oh no BRITISH

“ELLO DER MATE, YOU EAR TO STEAL LAND DOO!?”

Zio immediately raced back to his row boat and rowed into the unknown.

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I’m gonna have to leave the story here, my fingers are sore, but do not worry the story is far, far FAR from over so stay tuned.oh hey people are coming, I’m saved… wait why do they have a net Ahhhhhhh!