dania

i forgot my laptop today and my water bottle so i went back for them and iwas like darn this fucking sucks like what the heck this is what happens when you dont put things back in your backpack omg - i want to go to a lake and learn how to skip rocks and go roll around in the dirt and eat it holy moly anyways im listenin g to amores lejanos literally this song has gained so much meaning in the last few weeks and every time i listen to it it kinds hurts my heart (or i just may be obese and my heart is clogged) i cant escape this song but i love it -- okay back to the rocks they are doing construction at a bus stop at my school and there were some giant rocks there but they threw them away i am assuming so i went and picked up what i could so i came back with two pieces -- those bus stops mean so much to me since the trolley at myh school did not exist back when i was here my first year and i had to travel by bus bc i also did not have my car for the majority of my first year; i remember sitting there at midnight waiting for the last bus or waiting for lyft at 2/3 am all i can say is that i am thankful to be alive and being safe all the time i have been here its honestly a blessing i also remember how alone i was back then i had friends and stuff but i liked spending my time alone and its been a year since i met my friends and ihavent been alone since - its kind of a mixed feeling i love being alone but i also love being with those i love but whats super awesome is the people in my life that feel like me (?) the people who i can be comfortable around and i could spend hours with without a complaint its honestly p rare bc i feel like its the same as being alone ?? i love doing mundane shit with my friends like grocery shopping, doing homework side by side, and just being in silence or enjoying the same song -- i tend to freak out when i hang out w people i dont know for more than like 1 hour and its such a difference but anyways off topic actually no i dont know why im asy9ing this bec ause its like that for everyone but also fuck you all lol ok jk but actuslly yeah i am so grateful to have people who want to spend time with me or just see me spontaneously it fills my life with purpose - i am just looping amores lejanos - there is a lyric that says my future is uncertain but that is not the problem but it is i dont know where i am going and with who - -like is everything gonna go back to how it was when i was at home?? omg i am dreading it and then i realize it is all dependent on me but oh my goodness i am weak i really am what the heck i need to boss up onn god ok i will make an effort to see those around me and they will make one to see me i hope but also thast beyond my control and sometimes i feel like its so annoying to ask to hang out holy shit like it has nothing to do with me i know im alright but omg what if they are like ughh leave me alone omg i would kmsi could yearn to see a person and miss them like crazy but im like oh okkay theyre busy L;IKE DID YOU EVEN ASK but its okay i just respect peoples time whichi is totally not that but i am gonna attribute it to that for my sake okay now back to my project -- the song that isnow playing is the thrash polic e by modern baseball thank you music u make everything better