crying

The day feels uncertain. I am crying. There is no pain just kind of emptyy. I miss my husband he went to work already. I am going to work soon, i have to leave at 2 it is 1:14 right now. Most days i dont know what to do with myself, at least in the mornings. My body hurts, i havent stretched in so long. Not in the way that i want. I am overwelmed with possibilities and responsability. I want to work out bbut to do that i want to clean the house. So that when my hands touch the floor i dont recoil in disgust but i welcome the cold hard floor. I dont want to lie awake doing nothing i do that all day. I crave for more but i cant bring myself to do it. I feel so tired from the damge ive inflicted on myself. I hardly ate yesterday, just did drugs and played games. Which was great but this has become my new norm and i am unsure of how to feel about it. I try not to give it much thought, i am often consumed by my emotions. I fear this would be too overwelming to question. Maybe another day. For now, i think ill masterbate and get ready for job. Again, this has become part of my routine, till next time.