totally objective cig ranking

some of my friends (non-smokers) have been asking for my cigs a LITTTTTTLE too much. guys im Not giving you cigarettes okay if you wanna develop a nic addiction you're gonna have to man up and get your own pack like the rest of us. that being said, i just remembered this blog exists (wow i was REALLY going through it last time i was here) so here's an ordered ranking of every cig brand ive ever tried. for funsies!

1. Marlboro Double Burst - my babies, my shaylas, the LOVE of my LIFE ! this is the current brand im smoking and probably the cigs ive smoked the most of. these are so good i can (and have) burn(t) through 15 in a day. super yummy but for some reason nobody sees my vision?! it's not the smoothest, but the flavour is really nice. and honestly, I don't mind the occasional rough texture on a bad day. 

2. Parliament Golds - A shocking wildcard! An Australian brand that I spent a PAINFUL amount of money on during my last visit. (cigs in Melbourne are criminally overpriced. this was the cheapest brand and it still cost me over 30 AUD) i dont know if it was just the severe nic withdrawals i was experiencing on that trip or what, but these cigs brought me a lot of comfort and tasted pretty decent!

3. Marlboro Ice Blast - My introduction to Marlboro's line of filtered cigs. Apparently my friend Renee's ex-girlfriend Beabadoobee used to smoke these? They didn't taste half bad and I stuck with them for a while. A fun fact was I didn't know I had to pop the filter for ages and only realised just about... 15 packs in. So.

4. Canyon Greens - There's a senior I have at work that everyone's a little intimidated by. He's always pretty strict on work, deadlines, etc. and he's not really afraid to chew an intern out. One day he finished briefing me on a piece I had to write, and I noticed he, 1, smelled like smoke, and, 2, had a pack of Canyons with him. I asked him about it and we yapped about cigs for a bit. After that, he handed me two cigarettes and said, "I didn't give you these." I went out, smoked half of one, and got buzzed for the first time in months. Anyways, solid cigs, not the yummiest, but it's not too harsh on the throat, and the buzz got me going for a bit. Worth trying!

5. Seven Stars - Another foreign brand enters the fray ~ Tried these on a date with the worst guy i've ever met and actually got buzzed for the first time in ages from these. Reason: The draw is so smooth it doesn't even feel like I'm smoking a cigarette. Deadass. On a purely texture-based level these cigs win easy, but the charcoal filter makes the aftertaste of the cigs really yucky, and I'm an amateur that prioritises taste over draw. Sorry Seven Stars fans. Sorry Nana.

6. Gudang Garam - Guys I'm convinced that the hype for these is made up. Someone gave this to me at a party across my uni and it just tasted like Marlboro Golds. Maybe I just didn't get a great one. Or maybe I was too tipsy to tell. Who knows? 

7. Luckies Greens - The cheapest cigs I've ever bought. In summary, it's Marlboro DB if Marlboro DB tasted considerably shittier. Still, any variation of Marlb DBs is good in my book, I guess. 

8. Harvest Coffee - This is ANOTHER brand that tastes exactly like Marlboro Golds! My friend keeps trying to gaslight me into telling me it tastes like coffee but no it really does just taste like Golds. It does have a harsher throat feel, if that's your thing (it's mine). 

9. Marlboro Golds - My second ever brand of cigs! If you can't tell by now, I'm a total Marlboro brand loyalist. These are just nostalgic for me, and honestly, they're much smoother than Marlboro DBs. Lacks the taste though, and I feel like the first time I tried it I nearly threw up from how yucky I thought it was. My friends who've seen me switch between brands seem to like this one the most. Odd!

(Update: Bought a pack of Golds again because my usual DB wasn't available. Golds are so fucking boring!!!! I moved them down, below SS, Gudang Garam, and Harvest. Not really worth the price unless smoothness is really, really important for you.)

(From here on out we're reaching into the territory of cigs I don't like and would hesitate to accept if offered)

10. Marlboro Greens - This is just Marlboro DB but bad. It's not filtered, it tastes yucky, and it's not cold. It's trying to be menthol but not really. I don't get it. Try harder. 

11. Marlboro Reds - I tried one once and thought I was dying. No thanks guys, appreciate it. 

12. LD Reds - Why are they so long and skinny? Bella Hadid headass cigs. My friend loves these but I don't get it. They taste so gross. Smoking them just made me miss Marlboro DB more. 

13. Sampoerna Merah - These are so mild I'm shocked that they're considered Reds of any kind. Another brand that I smoke here and there when offered to me at the bar and I almost never enjoy. 

14. Marlboro Summer Splash - I bought these because they were Cute and Pink and when I smoked them I genuinely wanted to die. It feels like I'm vaping a cigarette. Horrendous experience. I ended up just smoking the pack without popping the filter a single time so I could avoid the taste.

15. Sampoerna Hijau - I really used to love the sweetness of these, but nowadays I really can't get behind the taste. Every now and then I buy a pack of these because I get too nostalgic, and I can barely get past 2 cigs before giving them away and buying a pack of Marlboro instead. Nothing personal, the sweetness is just really offputting. 

16. Mevius Light - The same guy I met on the Seven Stars date told me to try these because they were good women's cigarettes. I tried them and they were so unbelievably mild it felt like I might as well have just inhaled oxygen like a normal person instead. Yeah I don't know. These are good if you want all the health effects of smoking with none of the benefits I guess. Women's cigarettes my ass. 

If you have any good cig recs genuinely let me know! I love smoking on recommendation ^^ I think trying out new brands is really fun. I kinda wanna make a zine about it someday. :3

(edit 1: i forgot about marlboro summer splash!)

(edit 2: tried 2 new brands - canyon and luckies greens - and had a brief stint with marlboro golds again! updated the list to reflect my newest thoughts :3)