It starts with refusing (trigger warning: eating disorder)

I need to take the first step, and the first step has never been more difficult

I've always been aware: I need to start now. Right now. And then when I realize what ''starting'' actually means, I get scared and immediately get rid of all my plans

I've been tempted to eat junk food; which I know is my moms; for about 5 hours now. And usually, I'd be like ''Whatever, just this last time, after that I'll stop'', but I know that's a fucking lie

Resisting is hard, but this is the first step I'll have to take in order to succeed. Its torture, I am shaking and I can't stop thinking about the food. But I'm tired of letting this fucking disorder control, and eventually destroy me

In my case, food actually is the enemy, and I need to face it instead of running away