in her tomb by the sounding sea

by alesana, don't look at poe.

i keep imagining this guy, he's on stage. you can't see his face. you can never see his face. he wears a top hat, like he's a magician or ringleader in a circus. you know the type. he wears a masquerade mask, but his eyes glow when he sings. he's only the singing vocals, not the backup scream/metal vocals.

you can't really see his bandmates faces either. you can see them dance, jump, headbang, scream/sing, play their guitars and drums, but they're all just silhouettes for the most part.

the cool part about this is the white curtain that's pulled on stage. behind it is where they perform. so mostly throughout their shows, it's just their shadows.

there's a large circle, or crescent moon, this guy i've been talking about, he'll spin in circles on it. hanging from his legs upside down sometimes, or sometimes he'll sit lazily on it, swinging his hlegs. sometimes his head is thrown back, soemtimes he's flashing in and out of view as he walks back and forth.

he bows, he spins, he stomps, he gets closer then smaller. he laughs, he cries, and he stands and tilts his head.

i'm in love with him, i think. i know who he is, by name, and by heart. he isn't a stranger, or just some guy. 

the point of jaxon walker is that he's my dream boy, and i made him so i'd never be alone again, and i finally had a boy who had nothing bad to say about me, or something he didn't have to pick at about me. he wouldn't compare, he didn't care how yellow my teeth were, and he didn't care what my mom acted like.

i made him to fall in love with him. so why does it seem, day after day, all i want to be is everything he is?

why do i find him everywhere, in everyone? 

why do i have to wait around and starve for this desire, this attraction, this passion and this feeling, this person. when... i can be him. he's an aspiration, why do i have to wait? for a person who doesn't exist, for someone with all of these attributes?

everything i find cool and attractive in a person, every moral and decision, every thought and feeling and viewpoint, it's all perfect to me.

so, why wait? why not become what i'm itching for? why not finally give into the pleasure, and make it last forever?