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im constantly tired. made about 20-30 bucks within this week though from cleaning as much as i could. still need to clean more, wish i just had a fucking vacuum. everything in my house is so fucking disgusting i just want to get rid of everything. we have so much junk that no one wants to get rid of. my grandma is gonna have a garage sale soon, so im gonna sneak things from my house and take it over there without people knowing. i need this shit gone so i can actually fucking live without wanting to kill myself. i cant walk out my front porch, i cant walk through the house without shoes on, i cant even go down in my basement cuz its flooded with literal water and just random junk. i hate my fucking life man. i cant even enjoy the backyard because theres just so much fucking weeds and shit. im trying to clean up and get my house organized so we can be fucking happy but no one will help me but my fucking mom and its like god i hate my life. theres so much i wanna do but i cant do it without help. whatever. my life sucks and its gonna go nowhere and im gonna be leeching off of my parents until they die and then ill have to use their trust fund money to make it somewhere in life. i hate myself. i wish i was never born if i was gonna be put through a life like this. just kill me man. its not even that bad im gonna be honest, im just so fucking overdramatic and in a bad headspace right now. just fucking shave me bald and violate me bruh i cant take it anymore.
Entry #81
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francis, fran
whenever i'm in the suicidal angst state i know that anything anyone says to me just makes me feel either more invalidated or pissed, so i'll refrain from any of the bullshit.
i just wanted to say i get this so hard. like, it's so fucking silly that i have to go through so much arbitrary, consistently bad, and pretty much meaningless, pointless suffering all because i happened to be born in certain circumstances. and yeah there's some margin to "change your perspective" or "change your environment" through various actions, but at the end of the day, i've already been fucked by the shit.
but i'm also lucky. at least my house is clean. and i'm probably going to college soon. i'm sorry about your state of affairs, it's hard to improve your life when nobody's helping you. :(
and as you've noticed, you're a bit of a therapist/counselor's ideal prey right now. i know you were just commenting on your mental state but if you could i would talk to a counselor because they're sometimes decent as last resort connections.
when im able to get a job/move out im definitely gonna get some form of counseling this life is unbearable
by Rolland; ; Report
8 wish i could spell
by Rolland; ; Report
Rolland
im a therapist's wet dream
Damn I'm sorry man, but honestly good for u for trying to better things and I hope ur life gets better for ur efforts :)
by Zombish; ; Report