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You know, back in the days when I created this account—April 2024—I was isolated from others, I had no friends, I experienced bullying, abuse, and harassment. It was a tough time, and my only solace was the internet, music, and video games. And that was it for four years. until that person arrived, of whom I spoke yesterday, honestly, she doesn't matter to me, I'm only interested in how my LAST attempt to make friends and be someone sociable was, all my life I've been told that I'm bitter, as a child, I was a happy child, until 2015: then everything went to hell, what I'm getting at is: when I was in that last effort, I was an optimistic, happy person and I stopped being quite bitter, but... they replaced me, she started only to bother me and ignore me, I thought: "it must be normal", it wasn't and it isn't... I endured several more weeks and gave her several chances: they didn't work. I stopped talking to her, then I thought about isolating myself again: we are at that moment. Today, I saw her happy, that makes me happy, why? because i told her not to get upset, and at the same time: it depresses me a little, I was always kind, polite and a good friend to her, she never, but never really showed me the same affection that I had for her, and maybe you think that I was in love: NO! I saw her almost as a sister, and honestly, that hurt me a lot, from the beginning I saw her as an experiment, a last effort, but I valued and appreciated her very much. honestly, I WILL NEVER TRY TO HAVE FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE AGAIN, fuck them. I don't want to try to be friends again, everything is always the same: lies, betrayal, insults and bullying. I'm fed up, I want to be alone, although I feel a little sadness and a little "envy" for people who have friends. This happened in 2024, and it will be the same this year...
I just want love, affection, and to be appreciated, but I'm so fed up with people... since I was a little kid, others have excluded me and treated me badly... I don't want to suffer anymore... I just want love.
Social Isolation?
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enragedmonki
I can tell that what you've been through is bad but please don't lose hope to reach out and connect to people. You're never meant to be alone and you'll eventually find someone who shares same values. Social isolation may leads to depression.
While your social circle seems full of mean people maybe try to find another whole new one with? Try join locals charity or activity groups without expecting anything just go for the sake of throwing yourself out to places. It is also fine just to keep people at superficial length while letting connections build up slowly without you putting too much energy to get close to them.
Idk sometimes when I was struggling with similar issues I went to those events and made friends with some local old folks. I know it won't be as same as making friends your age but by those interactions will built your sense of belonging and purposes. They might introduce new people to you. By that time you might found yourself belong to somewhere. Life is too long to be spent alone and I wish you all the best.
Thanks for your comment. I've thought about trying again, but honestly, I don't feel like it. It's hard to explain, but maybe someday I'll try again. For now, I'll stay isolated. I need to recover from what I just experienced; my mind is somewhat shattered, like a car after a crash...
by Damage, Inc.; ; Report
ZombieDM
Wow, your situation sounds pretty bad. It's obvious you've suffered a lot and struggled to get by. You should be proud of yourself for keeping trying. You're going to run into a lot of people who don't value those around them. I think you should keep trying. Sooner or later, thanks to your personality, you'll attract someone who wants to be with you. I don't mean a romantic relationship, but real friends. I know it's hard and it sucks. It's hard to move on and keep doing something that has failed many times because it hurts deep down. But that's all you have to do: keep trying. Just like Rome wasn't built in a day, everything takes time. Give it another chance. I know you'll make it.
Thank you so much! Honestly, I feel freer and happier since I stopped talking to her, it was just affecting my mental health, since that Monday; I feel a light that is illuminating my path, guiding me through what I should do. I'll take a little break and continue, I have some hope and something tells me this time it will be. It's like a shining light in the darkness, I hope you understand. Regards :D
by Damage, Inc.; ; Report