Log01 - 04/30/25

 "Life is Roblox"

I turned 21 this month and I think something snapped. Maybe snapped into place rather than out. I've been Pretty Happier. Prozac is actually really cool it turns out. Not to say I don't still have my moments, and the world in general is so bleak its hard to keep a grasp on a will to live, but things have been a hell of a lot better. And I'm still dealing with heartbreak, but I've been coping, as one does. The "fuck it all" mentality I never had previously has been riveting. I'm smoking and drinking freely, I'm kissing people, I'm making plans, I'm excited about shit, I'm being a fool. It's a rush. It is fresh air. Just wish she could come back. But fuck it we ball.

I just need to get a car and get over myself with this driving fear. I feel so close but so far with it. I can't piss around anymore once my renewed permit comes in. I gotta just drive. This will be me if I can be normal about being behind the wheel.

I wanna list off some of my latest joys tho:

• Getting closer with a couple of my friends
• Being social and somewhat less nervous about it
• Summer Scheming (more on that later)
• My rlly big upcoming photog gig
• My son cat Michael
• Diamond Dotz. Holy shit.
• WWE
• My favorite lesbian ever. Megan from work. We do lunch every Sunday just about.
• Sexual attention
• Pretending I don't know it's the year 2025
• Jackass
• The Tropical Smoothie opening soon next town over

My early 20s are what I craved as a depressed, unmedicated, homebound teenager. This largely rules. Mostly sorta.