because i was a really bad person today

i wish i could be better

i think i'm so disconnected from everything that my brain is trying to explode or something

and being mean to myself doesn't make it any better

i'm really sorry.

sorry.

i hope you can find it in you to forgive me

because i can't ever seem to forgive myself

i'll forget

but i won't forgive

and i hate myself because of it.

i'm sorry....

i just want to let it linger, i want to take it too far, i just want to make someone hurt the way i've been hurt. i guess? 

but that doesn't make things better, it just makes me a bad person.

and i don't want to be a bad person. i think so, at least.

i just have these thoughts, these terrible thoughts every single day of my life.

and it's taking over everything

and i can't find any help anywhere

and clearly i can't help myself

how do i deal with this remorse and grief?

especially since i don't even want to do anything in the first place?