reminiscence 3

i keep going in circles. sometimes i reach into my mind and think about a memory. i hold it. i’m 15 under a bridge with my friends playing truth or dare. i’m 17 walking along the road for hours. i’m 12 watching lord of the rings in my pajamas. i’m 20 and i’m sick in my apartment. i’m 8 listening to my teacher read me a story on the carpet. in my earliest memory i am maybe 2, and my dad is reading a short story, maybe about eagles. i have so much feeling inside of me. it’s nauseating. it never goes away. sometimes people forget i am a human person. i spent $102 on groceries a few days ago. i made pasta for dinner tonight. i cut my nails because i don’t like them long. i love blue and pink and green. i am reaching across the screen and holding your face very gently and asking you to see me and look at me. everything is embarrassing (but get over it, you yell at me). it was thunderstorming earlier. i got soaked. i look into your eyes and — there’s no excuse. i’m 18 at the beach. i’m 22 at my moms for christmas. i’m 14 at a cottage showing you a song. i’m 20 being a horrible person. i’m 11 being afraid of going to hell. 

sweetness

wonder

savior

liar

cadence

clarity

judgement