my biggest fear

i mean asides from death, the one thing im really scared about

is the people in my life, the ones i wanna stick to forever

will become just a memory, not like the "oh ill keep her in my memory" shit after they die

more like theyre alive, we just encountered a forkroad and our paths were separate now. the feeling that theyre still here, but i physically cannot spend time with them, or talk to them, that's what i fear the most

genuinely i do not see myself growing to make friends closer than them

i know highschool friendships may separate, break up, or even just drift apart slowly, but thats the one thing im terrified. i can't even enjoy the present moment without feeling "this will all just be waste, just a memory in the back of your mind that appears when you're reminiscing about highschool" type shit

sometimes i forget im in the prime of my life. is this really it? it feels so low, but when im an adult ill probably go so low that these moments feel like im on top of the fucking world to future me

my friends are such an integral part of my current life i literally just cannot imagine a future where we all separated

i know its childish but i wanna live with them

fuck man i hate hormones

happy birthday to me!