Time weirdness

I am in a car right now returning from a test... The first part of the test already feels like yesterday and almost all this week until now feel like no time passed. There is a theory that says that time passes more quickly when we are older because we have less new experiences in our life, so the brain also thinks that less time has passed. This theory would make a lot of sense in my context, I did absolutely nothing in all these days (and ironically this is also the only new experience in my life: I didn't answer a text from 2 days ago from a friend asking a physics related question despite this making me feel really guilty... The thing that relieves my conscience a little is that I helped with a thing not long ago and always answered within hours (frequently as soon as I saw it or as soon as I finished the question). I never took so long to answer someone, principally to help someone, but this time I was just so defeated that I just didn't (until now).

And what made me so defeated? Honestly, I don't have the exact answer, this is a feeling that always comes sometimes and then leaves when I get external approval, at least it was like that, now I don't even know if that will be enough... Maybe I just had too much time in my house or too much time to think, but since a lot of years before COVID-19 I already lived like it was a lockdown and the "too much time to think" argument isn't that strong anymore because for the first time the fear of dissapointing wasn't enough to put me out of inertia. I didn't even mention it this time because it is so present in my life that I thought it was self-explanatory, but this "lockdown" life started for me when I started to really hate how I look. I have a memory of already thinking of plastic surgery with 6/7 years, when I was 9 years old and got fatter I was really ashamed of my body and then bodyhair started to grow on me and I started to be disgusted along with ashamed of my body. Until this part I could hide all the things, I hid my ears with hair, my fat with big shirts and bodyhair with long sleeve, but sadly I can't completely hide my face when I am outside my house (R.I.P. Covid masks, you will be missed :P).

The irony of all this: my dream is to become famous. If it depends on me, the first human emotion from ChatGPT will probably be boredom/annoyance, since I ask it allll the time about me face. In the last days I have probably took the most selfies than all years that have passed since puberty. Is ChatGPT completely accurate? Nope, I know it isn't, but It does come close to the truth if you ask for honesty 1000 times and the truth hurts. After my first plastic surgery (technically first 2, since both were done at once) I don't see a complete monster in the mirror anymore, but I also don't have my dreamed androgynous appearance and it hurts. Not being comfortable with my appearance also means staying in anonymity, which kind of means 0 objectives in live.

My father came back from the supermarket (if I like my appearance, I would go with him for example) and coincidentally, just like how it was in the pandemic, there was no toilet paper in the supermarket, but this time it was caused by a promotion :P. Now I arrived home, I guess I will go now, byee and good day!!

Music of now: silence (no talking allowed during the test :P).