Life update

LIFE SUCKS ASSSSSSSSS

Anyway, I figured out how to make blogs cuter thanks to the tutorials on here :3

So far, I'm horrified for my future, life itself, and the people I left behind. The world seems to be crumbling and for once, I might truly fear death. Humor can shield me long enough, but I've gotten too scared to think of the future. Either the next day, or the next few hours. I don't want to bring up politics for a few reasons, especially because speaking will result in some form of hate and It's out of my control. It’s like a leech has attached itself onto my arm and I can't get it off. I have no longing for life and it's surprising me that anyone can be happy when life only seems to be getting worse. How do you live and keep that feeling? It's one thing to breathe but it's another to actually feel alive.

My future seems so dull. I don't like the things I used to or I simply lack the time. None of my friends I know personally feel like actual friends, and I don't know when this feeling will go away. It leaves and returns like a storm. It's predictable. I know I'm not alone when I say any of this. I truly wish I was because it's horrid and I can't say it out loud because I know I'll bring the mood down. How do you find joy? Where is it hiding and how do I beg it to stay? I just want to keep it with me before I do something wrong.

I have friends at school. Very few, so little that I honestly don't think I have friends at all anymore. I'm hoping to rekindle something but I can't. They aren't really friends anymore. Just people I know in my school. Online is a different story. It's easy to make friends but the issue is that I just can't find it in person. I want to cry to people who can hold me. I want to go out with friends spontaneously. I don't care for love anymore as long as there is someone to just talk to. How do you make friends? How do you trust them? Would that fix this?

SUPER DEPRESSING but I'd much rather be honest than burst when my mother yells at me lol

Life totally sucking ass aside, I went to see the Miku movie and it was absolute peak.