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I just had my blood drawn. I was barely even scared, maybe, just MAYBE I'm finally getting over my trypanophobia. I have a terrible vitamin defficiency so I've been taking supplements. Hopefully it's improved, Idk what to do if it's gotten worse o_o...
I just got back from my grandparents' place. We always stay there for a couple of days over holidays. It was actually really nice. They live out in the country and don't have many neighbors, a very peaceful place. I spent about 20-30 minutes each day just walking or sitting outside. I also have entomophobia so I've been dealing with that too. Often times being anywhere with sunlight and without pavement freaks me out because I can't see what's in the grass or kniw what could crawl out of the dirt. I did get scared a couple of times but I persisted.
Facing fears is tough, esp when others don't take you seriously for it. I didn't choose to be terrified of everything. I wish I wasn't. Oh well, I'm dealing with it anyway.
I've been dealing with a lot lately. And I mean dealing with. I'm actually taking things into my own hands. Bad things are happening, bad things have always happened to me but I am now trying my hardest to live, get through them, over them, whatever, I'm just not letting them slowly kill me like I used to. It's so tough but I've been seeing some progress.
It's lonely too, dealing with everything on your own. Sure I've had a few friends in my life, I've had pretty good relations with family but- None of them have ever helped me really, and isn't that something your loved ones are supposed to do? Support you, to a degree help you get through things? Idk, maybe I'm asking too much from people. Perhaps I see things as overly negative, I mean, sometimes people have been there to listen. Sometimes. They weren't often helpful though. Often they wouldn't take me seriously.
Maybe things weren't always bad, but I think the amount of times I've seriously suffered is severely disproportionate to the amount of times anyone has cared to listen, let alone provide some comfort or advice or even just say "That's tough buddy :(". I'm pretty pissed about that but mostly deeply saddened.
It's unlikely I'm alone with this, many people deal with a lot and are rarely or never listened to. But damn it, I can say that I'm sad, I can say that I'm terribly upset and I can say that I'm lonely. I need to stop beating myself up over having feelings. That's another thing I've been working on. I have needs too and I'm not an awful person for saying those needs were rarely to never met.
But boy oh boy, what good does that do? Who cares, in the end people won't treat me differently after this blog post. Idk why I'm uploading this anyway, maybe as just a shitty attempt at gaining simpathy from strangers. Though I'd like to think of it more as sharing my story I guess. Maybe it'll make me a better listener and more compassionate.
I have no conclusiom to this bit. I'm upset at myself for writing any of this.
Btw the blood test results came back. It's better than before but still half as much as it should be. I need to go see the sun more.
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♡ jovi 🐹
hugs for you <3
btw i share this a lot when i see someone mentions being afraid of bugs!: i used to be severely arachnophobic to the point where i would have sleep paralysis involving big spiders hanging from the ceiling right in front of my face. it got so bad that i wasnt sleeping well at all and i was afraid to be outside! when i say exposure therapy works wonders for certain phobias i mean it, ok. after spending lots of time reading about spiders (actual, scientific info, not clickbait fearmongering misinfo), im no longer afraid of them and in fact i LOVE them! there are very few spiders that i wont handle with my bare hands
if you WANT to try and get over your phobia of bugs, spend some time browsing inaturalist and bugguide.net and sites like that! start small, maybe with bugs that you find relatively cute or interesting and work your way up to the ones that really scare you. honestly, 99.999% of bugs dont even know you exist as a living, breathing creature. to them, youre just another part of the landscape. so when a wasp for example flies toward you, it isnt to sting you (unless youve like damaged its nest), its just to check out this weird new object and see if its food or a threat!
fun fact about wasps: have you heard of parasitoid wasps? they lay their eggs in other bugs and the larvae hatch and eat them. there are also hyperparasitoid wasps which parasitise the parasitic wasp larvae, and hyperhyperparasitoid wasps which parasitise those! there are some wasp species so small you can only see them under a microscope! :D (and parasitoid wasps dont sting)
Thx, that seems like decent advice :)
I don't think I'd ever really love bugs but it might help some.
by Alexander; ; Report
I <3 Radiation
ok ik this question isnt rlly on topic with most of ur blog but can u pls tell me how u werent scared when taking ur blood test bc my psychiatrist is making me take one and i cant even think of doing it i hate needles so much id literally rather die in a car crash bro
take deep breaths, keep yourself as calm and relaxed as possible, and look away. my first blood test had me really nervous but it really wasnt too bad. theres a little pain when the needle goes in and after that theres some pressure but honestly, its not terrible! now i still cant watch the needle go into my arm but im fine with watching the blood go into the little vial ^_^
keeping yourself relaxed is the most important part because if youre fidgety that can make it harder for them to find a vein and they might poke you a few times before they can get it in. i promise its not too bad! does it ever help you to pretend youre somewhere else during a scary situation? maybe pretend its the zombie apocalypse and youre immune to the infection so they need your blood to find a cure or something LOL! make it into an adventure!
by ♡ jovi 🐹; ; Report
okk im gonna try smth like that tysm for helping ur a lifesaver
by I <3 Radiation; ; Report
good luck, i hope it goes well. it shouldnt take long, either. normally im done in under 3 minutes!
by ♡ jovi 🐹; ; Report