No. 10 - Love Thyself

10:57AM - Wednesday, April 23rd 2025]

Typing out my daily exploits and emotions is a bit easier than writing it down, and I really should document the amazing point in my life that I am at now. In the last 24 hours, my life has changed for the better. I am exactly where I want to be. And I'm excited to bookmark this moment in history. 

Yesterday, 4/22, I went home because I had no food and I was starving. I figured social media would wane it, but then I told my mom and she immediately called me to help out. I was incredibly thankful. Afterwards, I went to a Bao Burger place and had a divine meal, they gave me a student discount (a wonderful aspect of Belgian culture) and didn't even charge the extra sauce I ordered! 

If I think about where I was 2 years ago, my life has changed so much for the better. It's extrordinary. I am living my dream life as I indulge in a delicious eclair at Le Pain Quotidien in Brussels, and listening to a new release from my favorite band, Ghost. I get to see them LIVE in 3 DAYS and they will PROBABLY PLAY THIS NEW TRACK. Peacefields sounds amazing. I'm so grateful. Coming to Europe even revitalized my connection to God because the cathedrals here radiate sanctity beyond anything I've ever seen in the states. And the people.... their hospitality is unmatched. The cathedral I went to in Amsterdam, the Oude Kerk, had a post-service activity where you could eat the bread and have coffee with the locals! While I did not stick around for the coffee, the bread in NL is so different. It's hard and crunchy, and they dip it into the wine. Their choir is just as lively, I see a pattern where all choir leaders radiate energy as they work their magic.

Anyway, I still love Ghost because God gave us the ability to enjoy life and make choices, good or bad. And though they can do whatever they want and are probably omniscient beyond comprehension, I ask myself, why do they let Ghost thrive then? It's not bad, otherwise they would have gotten smited by now. And they are making serious critiques on the catholic church, as it is flawed in many ways, ie. the treatment of LGBTQ people. Anyway, I hope to learn how to do the rosary every day. I don't want to be religious in a showy way. I want to do it because I'm grateful. I'm happy. My life evolved into exactly what I wanted it to be, and I truly enjoy sharing my happiness to someone who can watch. I like to think God made humans because it would be fun to see the world through them every so often, to live a new life in each of us, be it struggle or success. You are what you put out into the world, and I've come a long way from where I started. I still think about what my therapist said-- I am really only 2 years old adult-wise. I will make mistakes, hell, I made some that consume me a bit even today. But spending my life faulting myself will not make me grow. That one quote I saw a long time ago was right. You can't hate yourself into a better version of yourself. 

So yeah. I am now BACK in BUSINESS with RELIGION. I was never truly apathetic, I just think I didn't engage because I was not keen on gratitude and church. But thinking about the motions of life and how things are, how we are imperfect but free and given a lifetime to carve ourselves into whoever we want to be, I'm joyous that I was given this opportunity. So in my solitude I want to express thanks. And I want to live my life with a heart ready for abundance. I know I want to give, but it starts with my ability to choose and love myself. As rogue of breath, I will likely lead by accident because I am just doing my own thing. 

I'm going to get back into religion because I enjoy listening to the stories of pastors. I had a thought that french, dutch, and latin were created to make hymns sound like human angels, a breed of their own that excites divinity at hearing it. I bet God is proud of what their creations have made, even if we are currently at war and still not at global peace yet.

I hope I can help their mission to make this lifetime kind. I live believing that I have made it this far with divine protection and intervention, as there were plenty of times I could have just died outta nowhere. But I'm happy to be here. So as I keep living, my goal is to make an impact. I trust the process. I will lead revolutionary change in the world. For you. For my family. For my friends. In the end, I am simply an endlessly curious lover. I do not need a subject to love, it is just always part of me, I love living, I love myself, and I love letting life take me by the hands and guide me to new feats. I love taking charge and blazing a path unlike anyone else has trodden before. 

I love being me.