20-4-25, Sunday

The birthday of an evil dictator, weed day, and easter fall on the same day.

Me and bob went to see the movies. Free bagels.

Lola told me I gained weight and look a lot better. Said I looked sad and skinny before. Im comforted to know not everybody sees weight as a bad thing. Might as well pack some pounds before becoming a poor student overseas.

I must figure out a way to pass school. Preferably with really good grades. Throw myself into obedience. Tell the inner soul to shut the fuck up. Kill myself and pray for resurrection. I'm unsure, but it's what I must do, unless I want to go to summer school. Although I suppose summer school can't be too bad. I should still try, I think. It's for my future, right? For opportunities. This was the plan all along. Get things done last minute.

One thing is for certain: I can't be my parent's kid. If I as much as get woken up, then I am not doing it. Maybe I can sleep in the park. Maybe I can leave before they wake. Maybe I will not sleep. Who knows.

If I do not sleep outside now, I may never get the guts to do it. I know the bus stop I'll probably stop by. Many worries cross my mind. It's unsafe, it's frowned upon, it's illegal to go without my parents knowing. It's uncomfortable.

If I sleep during the day, my parents will not suspect the fact that I'm not home. I could sleep at Bingo's house. At night, I can be awake, wander around. But it's still most of the above concerns.

At some point, my parents will stop calling the police. I could start by saying I'm on trips. Maybe I can go camping. Maybe I can ask to go on a trip with someone else.

Y'know what? it's not illegal for me to get an apartment, or a job. I should get a job, go to one of those houses with the hispanic ladies willing to room someone else for minimal rent. Or beg a friend to let me sleep in their basement.