secrets

how do i tell my mom

i've been hurt far long enough before she'd ever know

how do i tell her

i was touched in parts of me 

when i was too young to understand

that the darkness in my room

feels like the monster is beneath me

that i've been kissed before reading my first big book

how can i cry in front of her

knowing it would break her

because my secrets are far deep into my well

how do i express myself

knowing that the monster grew within me

just so i can protect myself all over again

how do i tell her that trust issues started at 4 years old

and why do i feel ashamed and disgusted about myself 

after i make love with the one i love most

how do i tell her

that i want to be her baby again

without the hands of the world

because my mom is the only one who keeps me safe

far away

from the traumas i've experienced 

way long before she'd ever know

i miss my mom

even if she's in the same room as me

she is my hero

how can i unfold all my secrets

without ever breaking her beautiful tiny heart