looking back again at

my mind is fuzzy to truly remember but i havent logged in since about the start of april or something. then, some days went and now my mind finally filled up with the pushing feeling to catch up, it's not like i just started to fall out of interest already from this tremendously fleeting website that is mainly just a nostalgia grab where people come for like at 2 months or less give or take and then they ditch cuz they already lived their 2007 fantasy or something. then there's the people who realize this and awkwardly try to come back to the platform but all the people they friended are already over the trend and left the site and when they try to post not a single soul answers because there's no one here.

that's awkward.

it's kinda like watching a dead baby with its heard plucked out try to be revived hardly while the mother also died after giving birth 

and then i caught up with most of what i saw for the only persons hat i pretty much catch up on this site for

i am not that present and choose to be, i actively just wanted to not enter the site for some days. understanding to not why, but maybe i was just too tired to process others words. and that's like fucking stupid because i am tremendously tired and wasted as i'm writing right now, and my eyes are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo heavy i just mentally did ketamine 

i'll play it on my luck to get comments on this, after all we're all just dooming teens that don't know what to do with their lifes and feel like are dying

but i'm still here in some way. i am tired and it's not like every word i can say can soothe someone even if that's what i want to do the most. i don't think i know anything anymore like im watching the fragments there and that's a step to detachment besides a... what? i am falling behind in every other thing too 

and university what do i doo, or what do i dont do but i didn't rlly get a clear message like what i was trying to say as always. talking is hard. my brain hurts. how many time? for what period? what happened? does it even matter anymore? impactful thoughtful choices change in the switch of a finger from a quick realization of seeing something. then there and others lives, i love seeing others lives 

i think the whole point of what i was trying to get is that i was trying to actively avoid spacehey because i just didnt want to catch up with the people's lifes and see what everyone does and sometimes struggles and then happiness and other things, maybe i just was too tired or i didn't want to think anything anymore anyway and maybe i associated that to something negative but not really? i just decied to not hop on 

but i'll be momentarily 

there'll come a day where there will be my last comment, my last blog, my last like, my last status, my last view...

oh i also drew a anime character i really like 

thats it

next i'll draw shattered glasses and a eye peeking out if i can keep up