22) some hateful thoughts

even on spring break i can never catch a break

and when i'm "free" i am supposed to spend every moment working on something

and so naturally i become very escapist about things 

and spend hours playing videogames because i have no self control

and because i feel the need to experience some semblance of high after an exhausting day of nothingness

even though i would probably be perfectly content without such toys

sigh

i have to get up early tomorrow for an eventful day and yes i am complaining because i feel like i can't change

while my life evolves and becomes more convoluted i fail to adapt

help help help help

i hate this so much 

i hope i have a 100 year long dream and wake up as a different person

i think i'm going to uninstall my social life tomorrow

i don't know why i redownloaded it

and to think that past francis could have gotten out of bed at 1 to do an assignment upon remembering it was due

to think that 3 days ago i would have just gone to bed without much a fuss about games or friends

THAT's what i am

a failure to adapt to admittedly difficult conditions

to be surrounded with toys and ordered never to play

and to regret every subsequent move

to be punished repeatedly to no improvement 

negative reinforcement failure?

what am i saying

i js say a bunch of shit and never do anything

that sentence might be a sadly perfect description of me

goodnight spacehey

fran out