Entry #78

yesterday was nice. i got to go to the dollar tree with my family and get a bunch of snacks and drinks, and then we pirated the minecraft movie to watch together. the movie lowkey fucking sucked im gonna be real but it sucked in like the best way possible. like it was so bad and corny that i enjoyed it. we're gonna make dyed devilled eggs for easter, which is cool. im getting this boy more into funger and its making me excited that i can talk all about it without feeling bad now since hes actually starting to like it now instead of just dealing with me talk about it. i regret everything ive done to him fuck. i wish i never left him, it haunts me every night. i know i did it because i genuinely wasnt at the best headspace and it kept making me feel horrible every time i talked to him because i felt like a piece of shit, but i just wish it didnt have to be like that. i wish i just talked to him instead of trying to deal with it by myself. i wanted us to be perfect and i ruined it all like the fucking idiot i am. but its okay. maybe ill have a second chance. if he even wants that i suppose. but even if not, its okay. im happy just to have him by my side. im trying to improve myself, been getting more psychology books and stuff to learn how to not be a horrible person. maybe ill be okay one day.